yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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