i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
