U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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