she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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