Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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