i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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