it wasn't lemon gatorade
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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