she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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