your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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