I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
