what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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