it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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