Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
