i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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