help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle