Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
