How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist