Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood