Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.