I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
