i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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