You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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