Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
