and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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