I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
