I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
