i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
