this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
