I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
