So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
