Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
