Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
