i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I color on your dick again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
