I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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