***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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