Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
