okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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