Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
