im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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