I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
