my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
