so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We got so high we made milksteak
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
