oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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