For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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