Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
