she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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