I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
