You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
