She's JV to your varsity
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
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honey bunches of taint.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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