im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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