It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
