shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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