just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
