First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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