Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
