you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
