I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
