We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's just so happy...and so naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
