I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
