That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the day after is always just damage control
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
