shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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