Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
