pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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