i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
