my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
